Defining "community" in the wake of pushing for it...

For the last four weeks – or so – I have sat in church services focusing on community; the need for community, the role of community, what community is supposed to look like, what the leadership wants it to look like.

 

Every service, every week.

 

We all leave the services nodding our heads affirmatively, hoping in our hearts that this would be true – but knowing deeper down in our hearts that it is not.

 

For the last five years, I have been a regular “member” of what I consider to be a bit like the “community” the leadership keeps espousing, coming together with a group of somewhat likeminded people and talking about various aspects of life.

 

It’s all good when we can agree. It’s great when we can write prayer requests on the board and someone prays for the request in class. We all leave feeling somewhat lifted, maybe even heard.

 

But what happens when someone shares real life stories that include pain and despair? How do members of the “community” respond once the doors of the church are closed until the following week when even more desperate needs for support creep in?

 

My experience hasn’t been all that stellar, I gotta say – and I think I am going to scream if one more person talks about the importance of community – while ignoring the deep personal needs of the one sitting next to them

every service,

every week,

for five years.

 

Not that I am whining. I am just being honest. I keep thinking of this repeated empty push for “true community” that of course sounds good, but in practice … well, I am not sure we YET truly understand what it means

– or maybe I don’t.

 

Our discomfort with mess is never more telling than when someone shares a truth we would rather not hear, for all kinds of reasons. We are drawn to easy, comfortable, convenient shoes, clothes, food – and relationships. We love finding things in common with other people, laughing together, shared values, mutual admiration.

 

But our lives don’t go the way of comfort for too long. Eventually, we begin to notice differences – and more differences, interspersed with the things we initially had in common. Suddenly it seems like work just being together. We’d rather believe the romanticized version of loving our neighbor as we love ourselves.

 

Lots of times, as we all know, relationships end over the differences rather than grow on the strengths of the in-common. We dump those people whose challenges are too great, too time consuming, too painful to be shouldered through the dark valleys. My truth, after all, is scary. Your truth is scary. When we start to meet another human being in truth, it can be freakin scary as it triggers something deeper in each one of us. I read recently, “Truth has bad breath at times. Truth is boring. Truth burns the food. Truth is all this stuff. Truth has anger. Truth has all of it."

The quote went on to say, "And you stay in it. You keep working with it, you keep opening to it, and keep deepening it."

But we aren't taught that. Instead, we trade up spouses, friends, churches, neighborhoods, political parties - even countries! We dump people who become more challenging - sometimes in their darkest hours. 

And we keep asking, When am I going to find the place, the person, the experience where this doesn’t occur? When will I find a person, a community, that will not dump me when it goes from fun to scary, from challenge-free to challeng-ing? From a loose group of individuals who all desire the same thing at our core and truly fulfills the true essence of community?

What kind of environments are we creating, am I creating? Am I accepting of the challenges that are guaranteed to rise in friends, family, the person who sits in front of me every single week at church, school or at my job? Do I feel accepted with mine? Do I even care what they are going through? Do they even care about me? Is that acceptance and caring what it is meant by community? Instead of leaving people when the going gets tough, do we simply need to learn how to better support them, especially in their darkness, during their suffering that makes us feel uncomfortable?

After four weeks of hearing about community, the question remains: What IS our obligation to being a member of a particular community -  to our fellow humans whose physical presence already indicates a shared journey? Are we obliged to help take care of one another? What happens when we end up feeling burned or burned out by the impurities of the community in which we reside?

I am less interested than ever in communities that look more like country clubs, friendships that embrace only my strengths. With that comes a deeper understanding that I, too, will be called upon at inconvenient times to enter into people's personal pain as readily as I enter into those times when they make me feel good about life. If I am uncertain how to respond, or afraid to respond, or don't have the time or the skills to respond, I want to respond regardless. I must reach out to others if I want them to reach out to me ... especially when I see they may be suffering. Anything less in a community of so much need is unconsciously - or maybe even consciously dismissively ignoring the existence of a fellow human being.

... You stay in it. You keep working with it, you keep opening to it, and keep deepening it.

But I have my doubts it will ever change...

Ugh!

I choose love...

I often write about human dilemmas - choices and outcomes that leave me puzzled. Human nature often leads us to a quandary, awkward moments and sudden uncomfortableness that cause our hearts and minds to race.

As of late, I feel as though I am a student of juxtaposition. It seems most of my illusions and perceptions about life have been challenged by slamming deeper truths - from friendships, to family, to jobs - and my marriage. What I have long believed about so many facets of my day-to-day have been challenged if not shattered by a truth I seem powerless to stop or change. 

Life rolls on.

Today while talking with a friend before the start of a church service, another person interrupted our conversation to ask my friend to join a gathering tonight on behalf of their mutual friend. Truth be told, their friend in need is experiencing much of the same challenges as my own. And while my heart breaks for her pain, I also was struck that the Inviter was totally unconcerned about my circumstances despite being of the same nature and degree. And I wondered why. 

And I wondered why God would have me experience that moment, exposing the rawness of my own heart in an awkward moment where I ended up feeling embarrassed and shame -- shame that I felt jealous of a group of people who thought that much about this woman to take time from their busy schedules to buoy her during these challenging days. In my heart and head, I knew no such effort would ever be made on my behalf - for so many reasons. 

It's the grand juxtaposition once again. 

In truth, God has provided all that I need as I enter my eighth week of separation from my husband of 20 years. The days have been dark - and light. I have mourned - and I have rejoiced. I have had days of despair - and days full of a deeper kind of love than I have ever known before. I have learned much. And unlearned perhaps even more. I have cried many tears - and I have experienced a different kind of joy. 

This seems a very personal journey to me as I learn to walk differently. As I think of the gathering tonight on behalf of their friend, I can't help but think of the friends who have come alongside me and have buoyed my heart and soul at different times - suddenly when I needed it most, and surprisingly with some I have not talked with in many months. 

I am looking at the models of friendship differently these days - shoot, I am looking at every model differently. At 53, I am poignantly being shown that most theories I have had about life didn't hold up under the fierce testing that comes with age and experience. Going from books to application has blown most of my ideas away...

Truth is, the overriding emotion I have for the person they are gathering for tonight is compassion. And while I was not invited to join them, I prayed for her - and will continue to do so as she journeys through upcoming weeks that may include her most challenging days ever. She will need sudden friends, surprising friends - and a fortitude that comes from becoming her own friend when there seems to be no one else around.

No two journeys are a like as much as we think them to be. Sometimes we need the juxtaposition to remind us, to poke us, to show us those too human parts of ourselves that instead of feeling awkward or uncomfortable, instead should spur us on to deeper introspection of our hurts and motives, our reactions, to consider more deeply the path we choose to live out our faith in a world overflowing with opportunities to build even more barriers to protect our hearts from offense and pain. 

Instead, this day, I choose love. In the human dilemmas, the many awkward moments in the midst of racing hearts and minds, may I escape the temptation to flee the discomfort and choose love instead. May we always choose love... instead...

Hoping for the perfect companion...

I can’t resist checking out the small animals at Magoo’s when going to get dog food for Hollister. They have quite an assortment of birds, lizards and rats (still gag!), guinea pigs and gerbils.

This time as I perused the aisle, I suddenly fell into a 45-year-old memory of me desperately wanting one of the little furry creatures that I could carry with me in my pocket and pull out any time day or night. Time suddenly stood still as I remembered picking out all the gerbils I ever had, baby gerbils so I could make sure I could tame them to my human touch. I so distinctly remember truly believing that these small little pets would be so wonderful to have with me. I would do everything I could to make their little lives perfect.

And it usually worked out great for a while. I fed them, bought them great little gerbil toys, cleaned their gerbil homes, and gave them great gerbil treats. They must have been happy with all my care and attention. I would take them out of their little homes frequently and pet them oh-so-gently out of great affection for their companionship. These little gerbils added so much meaning to my life. I loved having them as a part of my daily existence.

Until they bit me.

And they ALWAYS ended up biting me.

I stood there this morning staring at the gerbils, remembering how disappointed I felt with every single gerbil I ever brought into my life. I had hoped for the perfect companion. I worked hard at giving them a really great life.

But they bit me.

Every single gerbil I ever bought bit me.

And what is a gerbil if they just stay in their cage and run on that wheel? I wanted them to love me back – I wanted them to look forward to me coming home and pulling them from their tiny little homes into the far more comforting place of my hands.

Was that so awful? Did they have to bite me? Some drew blood!!

I lost interest in gerbils after a while. As much as those little furry creatures seemed to beg me to free them from the store, I knew they would turn on me, even after I had given them my very best.

As I turned away from them this morning, climbing the walls to get out of their cage, seeming to plead with me to take them home, I thought about the amazing ways God can speak to us about greater truths in life.

Am I still that little girl wanting perfect companions that won’t bite me? Do I do that with people too?

Maybe that’s why I like dogs and don’t mind hurting my back loading a 20-pound bag of dog food into my car. Hollister has never bitten me – at least not yet. What would I do if he did? Would I lose interest in caring for him?

I think I would.

So now what am I supposed to do with THAT??

For now, I’m going to look forward to going home tonight and seeing Hollister literally jump for joy at seeing me, like I am the greatest person in life, like he is so so grateful to just be with me, to have me pet him and take care of him – and to be a wonderful companion in a life that simply does not have enough shared moments of utter joy of simply being together…

Day 2 of friendlessness in the 21st century

The withdrawal from social media has me jonesing in odd ways. The reach to post or "catch up" on those constant streams of thought on Twitter and Facebook has been ridiculous - if not embarrassing. As if it somehow proves my existence to share my thoughts on that plane. Or worse, the worthiness of my existence. 

But get this. Dude, it's so much quieter in my brain!

And, of course, some would say my posts here are merely a substitute; and perhaps this blog is the step down drug of my detox. But detoxing I am... Not reaching for that Twitter feed of Flint Police Ops after hearing sirens at 3am - oh yeah, it takes courage and determination baby!

Now that I'm not cruising the Twitter feeds for news, I came upon this - believe me, I wasn't looking for it, but it certainly seemed timely. Research has winnowed out the negative symptoms of social media addicts (like me - there, I said it!) There is that same jittery feeling when you can't check the status or look at the feeds. But the piece went on further to describe the deeper issues such as seeing an ex on Facebook can restrict personal growth and emotional recovery; excessive usage can be a contributing factor in divorce; spending more time on Facebook can lead to increased feelings of unhappiness with your own life; and passively scrolling through your News Feed can increase feelings of loneliness and isolation.

Who knew??

I also was struck by the human nature observation of a 25-year-old who had just been sentenced in a Grand Rapids court for his role in the murder of another man. As he was leaving the courtroom, the guy turns toward the prosecutor, police and the family of a murder victim and held up the middle finger on each of his cuffed hands and cussed at them.

Wow! I had to read it a couple times. I thought I missed something. Here was this adult male who had destroyed the lives of a family - and he was angry at them? He was facing the consequences of his actions - and he was angry - and made the entire situation even more deplorable. 

There is so much I do not understand about life - about people. So much that is utterly confusing as we try to find logic in a very illogical world. 

It seems the greatest hope we can have is to be a faithful person - to have faith in something greater than ourselves. To be known as a faithful person who can be counted on to help make the world a better place. To be the real deal to everyone we encounter.

But what makes a person truly genuine?

Apparently, researchers have figured this out too!

1. You have high self-esteem.

Genuine people, by definition, have a good sense of self-esteem, says clinical psychologist Guy Winch, PhD, author of Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts.

"Really, with self-esteem, it’s the ‘Goldilocks’ range: Too much is not good because that’s the narcissism range, that’s the arrogant, prideful range," Winch tells The Huffington Post. "Too little is not good; you want something solid in the middle. So genuine people are those who have solid self-esteem -- it’s solid, it’s consistent, it’s not brittle. And people who have solid self-esteem are much less defensive about things usually. They can feel authentic, they can be authentic, because they’re far less worried about the implications of exposing who they are, because they feel OK about who they are."

Research backs this up: In a 2008 study published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology, U.K.-based researchers explored the "authentic personality" and how other traits correlate with a person's sense of living genuinely. They found that people who expressed a high sense of authenticity also maintained higher levels of self-esteem.

2. You embrace vulnerability.

The psychological idea and societal construct of inner strength vary dramatically. Many cultures place great importance on maintaining defensive walls that hide or minimize personal weaknesses and imperfections, as a means of protecting oneself from harmful or unpleasant experiences. Science, on the other hand, supports using flexible coping mechanisms to face moments of discomfort -- opening oneself up to fears and failures in an attempt to learn and grow from them, rather than shut them out altogether. And it takes an authentic person with a solid foundation of self-esteem to be able to accomplish the latter.

"The stronger your self-esteem, the more able you are to admit that you’re failing, to receive criticism, to be able to receive negative feedback without it making you crumble," Winch says about the importance of maintaining such flexibility. "You can actually take on criticism, negative feedback, something not great about you, something that you don’t love about yourself, and it doesn’t really devastate you. It’s something you can admit, you can hope to work on or just take in, but it doesn’t affect your whole way of thinking about yourself."

3. You share your true thoughts, beliefs and opinions with the world.

Authentic people not only take the time to ponder their perspective on life and the experiences that led them there, but they easily share this "true self" with others around them. This outward expression is consistently characterized as an extroverted behavior in authenticity research. However, in a 2010 study published in the Journal of Personality, Wake Forest University psychologist William Fleeson established that both genuine introverts and extroverts alike feel comfortable sharing their thoughts, opinions and beliefs with the outside world.

“Authenticity is consistently associated with acting highly extraverted [sic], even for those who characterize themselves as introverts,” said Fleeson in a statement. “Being flexible with who you are is okay. It is not denying or disrespecting who you are. People are often too rigid about how they are and stick with the comfortable and familiar. Adapting to a situation can make you more true to yourself in some circumstances.”

His research also revealed that being genuine consistently goes hand-in-hand with being emotionally stable and intellectual.

4. You openly give and receive compliments.

Gratitude clearly flows in two directions: sometimes you give, and sometimes you receive. When it comes to the latter, Winch explains in his book Emotional First Aid that people with low self-esteem can sometimes struggle with accepting compliments. That's because they believe those compliments come attached to higher expectations from others, which results in feelings of stress. Those who are authentic and maintain a solid sense of self-esteem, on the other hand, don't view compliments with strings attached.

"You have to be able to see a compliment as just a compliment, and it takes a certain level of authenticity to receive that," Winch explains. "It’s about being able to take in and also give back in a way that’s unfiltered by all these kinds of other agendas."

When it comes to expressing gratitude to others, genuine people follow a similar path of not overthinking it.

"You want to reinforce people," he said. "It’s really merit-based. You’re doing it just because it's merited, and that comes across when you do it in a pure way, when you’re simply delighted that somebody did well and you compliment them."

5. You really listen -- and prefer deep conversations.

Genuine people find it easier to let go of distractions and focus intently in a conversation simply because they are truly interested in what the other person has to say. They aren't constantly checking their smartphone for text messages or letting their mind wander off to the day's to-do list. Everything else falls by the wayside.

According to a 2013 study conducted by psychological scientist Erin Heerey at Bangor University in Wales, others can tell when you are being genuine. The observational study paired strangers getting to know one another and monitored their reactions to any smile that was exchanged -- both genuine and polite. It found that the subjects responded much more quickly to genuine smiles than polite smiles, and viewed the genuine smiles a social reward to be valued.

"When we are authentic people and our self-esteem is strong, we are just much less burdened by agendas and baggage, and we can actually have a conversation that’s about the content of the conversation in a much purer way," adds Winch. "When people are authentic, there’s a certain purity to their interactions and conversations, and the conversations tend to be more interesting in terms of the content. You can get further, you can explore more, and you can discover more because it’s a much richer conversation."

6. You're driven by an inner voice rather than your surroundings.

One of the key components of authenticity is simply (or not so simply) knowing who you are and being comfortable with yourself. It requires taking the time to develop informed ideas about the things you care about, and not blindly adopting them from others around you. It is with this foundation that you are able to live those values -- stand behind them, represent them and feel strongly about them.

"When you have thought through what you think, what you feel, what’s important to you and why it’s important to you, that determines a certain sense of purpose and directive," says Winch. "We all have these operational directives -- we just don’t necessarily articulate them to ourselves. But if we look back on our behavior and examine what we do, why we do it , what we think, why we think it, we can figure out the principles that are driving us."

People who have really looked within to understand why they think and act the way they do are clearer about the principles -- and purposes -- that drive their lives, Winch adds. "It makes them proactive rather than reactive."

Let's do this! Day 2 of friendlessness in the 21st century!!

Friendless in the 21st century

So I hit the button to deactivate my Facebook, and turned off my Twitter, deleted my Instagram and searched frantically to determine if I had any other lingering open accounts of social media. 

I've decided I don't like a world where the number of friends listed on any of these "social" accounts belies the truth that people are desperately alone in the 21st century. And while I have long believed that social media can be largely helpful, I think far more challenges lie in their wake. The generation of words and not presence has created a discordant anxiety with face to face communication at any level. We hide behind all of these social media masks that make us sound more than we are, stronger than we are, more self assured than we are. And for those who dare be authentic, it is so much easier to be "honest" in our reactions that seek to confront rather than listen. 

A friend of mine attended the Cannabis Cup this past weekend, billed as a two-day marijuana celebration at Auto City Speedway. He/she said some 400 people attended a concert Saturday night by Wyclef Jean, wandered through all sorts of vendors selling drug paraphernalia, and entered a "Medicinal Tent" where they were able to freely experience the "medicinal" effect of pot. High Times Magazine sponsored the event - and I forgot to ask if my friend saw a single doctor.

So my friend tells me they need an id to enter the medicinal tent "where the real action is." Of course, he/she didn't have an id, but their much older friend did. Forget the fact they look nothing alike! The old friend is granted access after the attendant checked the id. The old friend manages to slip the id back to my friend, poignantly reminding me of those days when fake ids granted access to every bar on college campuses. My friend flashes the id to the attendant who looks at it, looks at he/she, looks at id, looks at he/she - squints, then somewhat exasperated, says, "Whatever. Go ahead. Have fun." Entrance to the Medicinal Tent at the High Times Magazine Cannabis Cup is granted. No one even seemed the least bit concerned for the illness my friend was experiencing. In fact, my friend said they didn't see a lot of sick people attending the event. 

WHAT?? This wasn't a modern day Bethesda with a multitude of sick, blind and withered, waiting for the moving of the water? (Scripture - look it up - John 5:2&3!)

It's all in the billing of this stuff, how we market it. The words on every social media program seems to promise all that we longed for in high school - popularity. Just how many friends do we have? Do they like us? Did they accept my friend request? Oh my gosh, what about that feeling when we discover we have "friends" who have "unfriended" us?

It is hard for me not to hear the echoing words of a Flint teacher when I am considering all this. At the time, I was struck by his progressive stance that social media is actually nothing more than the 21st century playground - kids do the same things online as they did when they were outside and beyond the reach and glance of teachers who would correct anti-social behavior. On both playgrounds, there were bullies, false friends, words were said that stuck for a lifetime. Sometimes they get caught. Lots of times they don't. 

Truth be told, we don't really have as many friends as Facebook boasts. In a crisis, very few, if any, of my Twitter followers would be willing to drop everything to help me through the terror. And I have bemoaned the fact that hardly anyone ever likes my photos on Instagram - and I think they are great shots, darn it! 

And there may have been a few sick folks in the Medicinal Tent, but I am thinking the great majority were not. They were in there trying to feel better about life, sliding in under a false identity, but hoping the subterfuge wouldn't be discovered. 

This post represents my first day of not relying on words and truly seeking presence in friendships the old fashioned way. No false identities. No subterfuge.

It also represents not having any friends as defined by the 21st century... 

A rare treasure, dazzling in delicate beauty

I started to read out loud Sarah Young's entry this morning in "Jesus Calling," but was truly overcome with tears. As much as I paused to choke back the tears, they came anyway and I handed the book over to my husband to read to our two children and me. I tripped on the words "those who yearn for me." They got stuck in my throat. And while I am somewhat embarrassed to tell you why, I think I must this morning because it has so profoundly impacted me today. 

Before getting out of bed this morning, I watched and re-watched a struggling, desperate woman who hugged her friend in that way that says more than I missed you, more than I'm glad your here. She hugged her long, and hard and I imagined that in that moment something about the desperation of life was exchanged... because one of them did not want to let go ... And then in front of a club full of people, the desperate one took the microphone and began singing quietly at first, "Yes, Jesus loves me... Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes Jesus loves me - the bible" - and she more loudly repeated while looking deep in her friend's eyes, "the bible ... the bible tells me so." And in that club somewhere in Hollywood, the crowd went crazy. And I believe that woman was hanging on, you see, hanging on with all that she had to the only truth that remained in her life - when all was said and done, when all the fame came and went, when all the drugs stole everything from her, she rose to her feet and sang the only thing that brought any sense of stability in her life, "Yes, Jesus loves me." Confidently, hopefully, soul-strongfully ... fearfully.

And that less-than-two minute, unfinished song was all as she left that stage and humbly waved off the cheering crowd because her voice was not what it once was. And she knew it. And she knew the crowd knew it. But she had to sing it that night, the night before she died. The very next day we would learn of her untimely death and the world would stop and think of all that she had been through. And our hearts would break because it seemed the demons won.

Sarah's words this morning, "It is a rare treasure, dazzling in delicate beauty yet strong enough to withstand all onslaughts. Wear My Peace with regal dignity. It will keep your heart and mind close to Mine." And I thought of the regal dignity of Whitney the night before her death singing that childlike song, "Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. The Bible - the bible - tells me so." And I thought of my own times of quiet desperation when all I could do was repeat that thought, hoping that what the bible said was true - and putting everything I had on that one single belief. And while others may describe Whitney's last public performance differently, I saw desperation - and I get desperation. I know what it feels like to be that desperate, where the only thing you have is, "Yes, Jesus love me." And clinging to friends that care.

"A rare treasure, dazzling in delicate beauty yet strong enough to withstand all onslaughts." 

Lord, may it be.

Feuding on Facebook

I just finished reading a private message from now a former Facebook friend who cease and desisted me due to an apparent feud he had over political views posted on his wall and the wall of at least one other. He was thoughtful in his shut-off notice, citing the all-too-common position we all find ourselves in when getting requests for friendship from folks we don't really know, have rarely if ever spoken with, and may not recognize when passed on the street. Do we confirm or ignore?

We don't want to be rude.
Confirm or ignore??
We truly don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
Confirm or ignore??? C'mon, make a decision!
How can we ignore a request for friendship??

It's really all about high school, isn't it? I mean this whole idea of accepting or ignoring friendship, of counting how many friends another person might have listed on their profile page, of fishing their list of 5 - 300 friends to catch someone not listed on ours.

I'm not dissin' my high school days, mind you. LOVED them - no, I mean, I LOVED THEM and anyone associated with them. I am quite confident that heaven for me will include that large and wonderful cast of characters walking the high path and the low path between the two Grand Blanc High Schools.

But I digress...

My initial entry into Facebook came with great enthusiasm. I suddenly found people I have not seen nor heard from in many, many years. I found family members. I found former colleagues. I found parents of my kids' friends. I found old crushes. I found my kids' teachers. I told people Facebook was like a great big party where you could dip into conversations at any time on the homepage or slide off into a more private conversation from your profile page. Shoot you could have completely private conversations on the balcony of Facebook by sending a direct message from the inbox!!

Nothing but love, and more love... Love, love, love ... What a great world... Thank God for Facebook. Mark Zuckerberg, YOU ROCK!

What I failed to consider while hangin' 10 on the love wave was that people are people, even in this wonderful love bubble of Facebook. After all the virtual huggin, poking and looking at family photos, we settle back into the unfinished business that sometimes separated us in the first place. Family members ask questions of those that may have unknowingly hurt them years ago. Old high school friends finally tell how ignored they felt as others passed them in the halls. Former crushes of days gone by become dangerous flames that can threaten the stablility of our day-to-day lives.

And that is just the unfinished business!

What of politics and our passionate support of issues that sometimes spark just as passionate responses from others attending the party on the Home page?? What of issues of faith, and religion and morality? Yes, we have been taught to avoid discussions of such in public; should the same rules of civility apply to this sub-reality of fb? (I think the power users simply use fb for Facebook!)

I am beginning to realize that perhaps Mark Zuckerberg has not so much created a utopian cyberworld as much as a cybermirror of life and the souls of those of us who use it. Of course there is going to be hurt feelings. Of course there is going to be anger and disrespect. Of course there is going to be friends deleting friends over something someone posted on someone else's wall.

Of course.

So why do I feel so hopeless for mankind?

In the fb world where we very actively pick and choose to accept or ignore our friends, where we publicly engage in discussions for those accepted friends to see and read...where we can literally surround ourselves with handchosen friends and family ...

In the same fb world where we can literally ignore those who might hold opposing or troubling views that are different from our own...

there remains fighting and bitterness and division...

We needn't wonder of the wars being fought in other countries...

Dark as it may seem, I suspect the problem won't go away with a more judicious use of the ignore button on fb.

We. Just. Can't. Get. Rid. Of. Everyone. Who. Disagrees.

DANG IT!!
Believe me, I've tried!

But we can - but I can - become more tolerant of those who don't agree with my "obvious wisdom." (joke, it's funny, laugh. Please laugh.) Why can't we let Crazy Aunt Sue be crazy, act crazy, say crazy, write crazy without risk of being cease and desisted? Why must we shut off the voices that are different from our own? So what if it gets a little personal? Who doesn't like a little spice with their Chimichanga? (def: dish typically prepared by filling a flour tortilla with a wide range of ingredients, most commonly beans, rice, cheese, ground beef.)

It was the spice that made me love high school. It's the spice that makes me still love living in Flint, MI. It's the spice of my 10 friends left on fb that keeps me coming back to the party, dippin into conversations where I learn more about my friends and family, to be sure,

...but also about life.

Party on, Wayne!